Israeli war-"tweet"-ics

Though the Israeli Army has found some success with their airstrikes against militants in the Gaza Strip, a new war zone is emerging that could impact everyone worldwide- the Internet.

The Jerusalem Post quotes Maj. Avital Leibovich, the head of the Israeli Defense Forces' foreign press branch on the digital media campaign. "The blogosphere and new media are another war zone," she says. "We have to be relevant there."

Israel’s military has already spearheaded the online combat by publishing videos of recent airstrikes on its own YouTube channel, some of which that have already been removed. In response, a note on the channel read:

"We are saddened that YouTube has taken down some of our exclusive footage showing the IDF's operational success in operation Cast Lead against Hamas extremists in the Gaza Strip. ... It is also worth noting that one of the videos removed had the highest number of hits (over 10,000) at the time of its removal."

Of course, the world cannot be won on YouTube alone, so the Israeli Consulate in New York hosted a press conference on Twitter, a micro blogging site with growing popularity.




When this was first drawn to my attention I was outraged! Keep your war over there, I can turn on the television at any point during the day if I want to see you all kill yourselves, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I were involved in a war, I would be all over the internet. My question though is why the HELL would you pick Twitter of all sites?? You’re only allowed 140 Characters! How do you have a conference regarding war affairs when you can only type 140 characters or less?

Sandsk8ter - @ DanzaBoss @ shyguy14 FAIL!! No no, just kidding, you guys are the best.

DanzaBoss - @ shyguy14 OMGZ!!1 They were all like “oh no they’re going to bomb our school” lol

shyguy14 - @ DanzaBoss Did you see the look on their face when we bombed that school? Hehe

I'd drink from those cups any day.

Protests have been sparked by users of the increasingly popular networking site, Facebook, over whether or not breast-feeding photos should be allowed to be displayed to the public. Facebook has recently removed a number of these photos stating that if the nipple can be seen, then the photo violates the terms outlined under sexually explicit photos. This controversy outraged dedicated mother and blogger Kelli Roman whose picture of her breast-feeding daughter was removed by the site. To combat Facebook’s decision, Roman created a petition to allow such pictures, compiling over 80,000 names and 10,000 comments.



I think what’s more disturbing here is that over 80,000 people actually got THAT upset about not being able to display their breasts on facebook. I hate to tell you this, but if a child sucking on your teat is the best picture you have, then maybe you shouldn’t have any pictures at all. I’ve never been one for censorship, but one has to ask, where do you draw the line?



Another breast-feeding mother had this to say:

"I find it offensive that (Facebook) can remove my photo but not the close up picture of a thonged backside I (have) seen on a friend's page or remove the "what kama sutra position are you?" quiz application,"

Facebook actually WILL remove pictures of girls in thongs, just not the hot ones. If your breasts were removed from facebook, then maybe it’s time for a lift? Huh? Maybe? Maybe get a little work done? Get them firmed up?

Or maybe you’re just upset because whoever impregnated you during that late night backseat grope-fest got out of the taxi a few stops earlier and you never saw him again- but trust me honey, flailing those flapjacks all over the internet isn’t going to hook you another baby-daddy. Despite what you may think, the rest of the facebook world generally isn’t wearing beer goggles, so tuck those things back into your belt, turn on some Doctor 90210, and dive into that sixer of Colt 45- because we all know good decisions are inspired by booze.

Chick-fil-A; a delicious spawn of Satan.

A recent study out of New Zealand has shown that cattle, sheep, and goats emit 48% of the country’s green house gasses in the form of Methane and Nitrous Oxide, based on an inventory of 34.2 Million sheep, 9.7 Million cattle, 1.4 Million deer, and 155,000 goats. This makes up 18% of the harmful gasses worldwide, more than all forms of transportation combined.

Scientists in New Zealand have proposed many ideas of how to lessen this startling statistic, such as modified diets, food additives, and vaccines, while Australian teams have suggested eating more kangaroo- a non-methane producing animal. However, all scientists agree that as the world population increases, the demand for livestock grows exponentially, along with the heightened risk of extreme global warming.



Listen, we don’t need a miracle, or magic potion, or some crazy scientific equation. Open your damn eyes people! While the world has been keeping a close watch on a sneaky China, the cows are making their stealthy advancements towards world domination. What’s that? You think I’m crazy? Well perhaps you haven’t seen all those Chick-fil-A advertisements for the past forty years!



Cows can't complete their global power struggle if we keep eating them, but you’re so damn brain washed by their absurdly delicious chicken sandwiches and waffle fries that you haven’t noticed them infiltrating our society! Slowly but surely they’ve been learning our language and mating with our women. Before we know it we’ll be overrun with half-breed cow-people, and those are the worst kind.



This can only mean Chick-fil-A is not only a threat to our Nation, but a threat to the WORLD- just ahead of vegetarians and PETA. This situation MUST be addressed immediately, because I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have to go up against THIS...

Jews still hold axe to Hitler; Trout.

BRUSSELS - A Belgian Public Broadcaster is being condemned by the Jewish community for airing stand-up comedy that pokes fun at the holocaust and the prosecution of Jews, marking the third protest in two months claiming "gross insensitivity".

A late October protest even forced the company to scrap a TV show about famous people's favorite foods that featured Adolf Hitler and his beloved Alpine Trout in butter sauce.



In response, comedian Philippe Geubels commented during the review show "Het Besluit" in saying:

"What are they going to do if there's a gas leak in Antwerp?" (A Belgian Port City and large Jewish community). "Take the city to court for provocation? Pre-emptively file charges against anyone who dares joke about that?". Also adding that the Holocaust could never happen again because "Jews are much smarter now."

I personally still find Holocaust jokes entertaining, and the fact that the Jewish community is still so offended by it makes it all the better. Get over it. Benito Mussolini killed thousands, Stalin was a monster, Blacks finally no longer have to pick cotton. The world is changing, it was a horrific part of history. we get it. Just relax, no one's trying to steal your gold. We all respect you as a religion and community. If you can't take the heat, stay out of the oven.

PS- I can make these comments because I LOOK Jewish. Isn't that how it works?

Go ahead, tear up a little, I won't tell.

...because I haven't been able to get this song out of my head for days and it really reminds me of everyone back home.



Merry Christmas, I'm on my way.

Cross-Dress Your Onion

Why do I buy shallots?

For those of you who may not have worked in a commercial kitchen, shallots are a cross-breed between an onion and a bulb of garlic. What a useless vegetable!

You will see shallots in the cooling box of nearly every half-decent restaurant across the globe, and I have actually heard chefs say "I use shallots in everything! I don't know what I would do without the shallot!"

Are you fucking kidding me?! The shallot?? really?? Listen to me, the average consumer's taste buds can NOT differentiate between a shallot and an onion. TRUTH. So why the hell are you paying an elevated price for shallots when you could just as easily use a Vidallia onion and a clove of garlic?? So you can put the word "shallot" on the menu?? Outrageous. I'll tell you what, do me and your establishment a favor and ditch your precious shallot for produce more readily available. As for the menu, keep the shallots out of text, no one really cares anyway.

I am tired of shallots mascarading around as onions...or garlic...or whatever. Pick a side and stick with it.

The shallot is a lie.

I Can Feel Me Living

I have always expected myself to die young. Ever since I was a kid, I assumed that I would never live a full life, and I believe it all stems from not having a foreseeable future. I've never really had a "career", but rather just odd jobs to get by, perhaps a sign that I should enjoy myself while I can and that a career is unnecessary for anyone exiting their physical being. I've also been fruitless in love, maybe so that I never have to break the heart of my companion in my passing. All of these comments can be easily argued, as everyone has their own experiences from which they take their life lessons.

We lead tragic lives as a whole, tormented with our own pains, whether it be a passing parent, a love lost, a missed opportunity, or simply a personal flaw we beg to change. We often look to accept these pains and deal with them, understanding we can't change the past, maybe never being able to sing, or popping Ibuprofin every morning to be able to walk into work. In fact, sometimes we get so used to the pain that we forget what it was like when there was no pain at all; we felt good, life was good, things were simple.

I noticed this while on a delivery for work last night. I felt numb, my arms and legs didn't feel heavy and worn out as they normally do, but rather relaxed and at ease, my car caressing the road as if I was on a cloud drifting across the horizon, the radio at just the right volume, and my singing was spot on, hitting every note with ease. This is when I realized something was terribly wrong, and I started to panic, almost losing control of my vehicle. Where was all my pain? Why am I no longer fatigued? I KNOW I don't sound like Freddie Mercury. What the hell is wrong with me?

Upon my awareness the pain came flooding back, so it seems that my mind was so occupied with other things that I didn't notice all the other annoyances in my life. I tend to think this is how accidents happen, you enter a state of complete comfort and unknowingly let your guard down, leaving you susceptible to harm. It's almost as if your body completely turns off it's senses.

Furthermore, and perhaps a more frightening thought is that I started to panic when the pain went AWAY. Have a really gotten to a point in my life where pain is the norm, and comfort is a foreign emotion? Upon further analyzing, I have concluded that this "pain" is caused from unnecessary stresses over a variety of topics out of my control. It has always been my opinion that stress brings you closer to death, maybe this is why I've always thought I would die young. I need to relax.

Christmas is coming, friends will be around, I will be home and looking forward to a relaxing vacation.